Jesus Christ and the 12 Steps.
NINTH step.
“WE mADE DIRECT AMENDS TO SUCH PEOPLE WHEREVER POSSIBLE, EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE THEM OR OTHERS”
Make Amends
Therefore, if you are offering your gift
at the altar and there remember that
your brother has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar.
First go and be reconciled to your brother,
then come and offer your gift.
Matthew 5:23
When we cause harm to others, we are faced with several courses of action. One option is to deny or minimize the impact of our actions, which can perpetuate further harm. Another response may be to internalize shame, thereby shifting focus onto ourselves rather than addressing the needs of those we have affected. A more constructive approach involves making amends.
Making amends requires acknowledging the reality of the harm we have caused, whether or not it was intentional. It entails approaching those we have wronged, openly admitting our actions, and allowing them the space to express their feelings—provided such engagement does not result in additional harm. Once accountability has been taken, we should offer to make reparations and listen attentively, without requesting forgiveness or imposing expectations. Our primary aim should be to facilitate restitution where possible.
Restoration may involve returning resources, time, or attention that was unjustly taken. In some cases, it may necessitate self-reflection and a commitment to behavioral change. The Gospel of Luke (19:1-9) recounts the story of Zacchaeus, a tax collector who chose to make restitution after an encounter with Jesus. Despite his wealth acquired through questionable means, Zacchaeus pledged to give half of his possessions to the poor and compensate anyone he had defrauded fourfold. His actions exemplify the essence of making amends: recognizing harm and embracing the responsibility to repair relationships.
Not all amends can be as explicit as those made by Zacchaeus. Often, harm results from interpersonal dynamics rather than tangible losses. In such cases, "living amends"—a sustained commitment to changed behavior—may be necessary. This process frequently involves cultivating humility and courage to abandon defensive tendencies and interact with greater openness and honesty.
It is inevitable that human interaction will sometimes lead to hurt, whether deliberate or inadvertent, undermining the connections that bind us. Recognizing these occurrences presents opportunities to restore and strengthen those relationships. As emphasized in Matthew 5:23, prioritizing reconciliation with those we have harmed is of paramount importance—even above ritual acts of worship. Engaging in the process of making amends fosters humility, honesty, and compassion, leading to personal transformation and the healing of relationships.
When you don’t know what to do…make amends.
Questions for reflection and discussion
1. What have you done (or not done) during this time of difficulty that may have hurt someone else?
2. What might you do to make amends?
forgiveness and amends
Forgiveness means different things to different people, but it generally involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.
Forgiveness can reduce the hold something has on you and help you free yourself from the grasp of the person who hurt you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one who hurt you.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can lead to better health and greater peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:
· Healthier relationships
· Better mental health
· Less anxiety, stress, and hostility
· Lower blood pressure
· Fewer symptoms of depression
· A stronger immune system
· Better heart health
· Better self-esteem
Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
Being hurt by someone, especially a person you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness, and confusion. If you constantly dwell on hurtful events or situations, resentment, a thirst for revenge, and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to replace positive ones, you might find yourself overwhelmed by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
How do you reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of personal change. To move from suffering to forgiveness, you could:
Acknowledge the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life
Identify what needs to heal and who needs to be forgiven and for what action
Consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor
Acknowledge the emotions caused by the harm you suffered and how they affect your behavior, and make an effort to let them go.
Choose to forgive the person who wronged you
Move away from your role as a victim and release the hold and power that the person who wronged you and the situation have had on your life
When you let go of resentment, you stop defining your life by how you were hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.
What if I'm the one who needs to be forgiven?
The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the harm you have caused and how it affected others. Avoid judging yourself too harshly.
If you truly regret something you said or did, consider admitting it to the person you have hurt. Talk about your sorrow or sincere remorse and ask for forgiveness – without making excuses.
But remember, you cannot force anyone to forgive you Others need to reach a state of forgiveness when they are ready. Whatever happens, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy, and respect.